The Most Oblivious Person On The Planet
by Living.Like.A.Boss
Summary: Wherein Nico courts Percy, Percy is oblivious and the girls can't believe their idiocy. Nicercy
1. Prologue

**The Most Oblivious Person On The Planet**

**Summary: **Wherein Nico courts Percy, Percy is oblivious and the girls can't believe their idiocy

**Pairings: **Nico/Percy (Main), Percy/Annabeth (Past and Faked)

**Warning(s): **Major Character Death (Annabeth), Some angst and Hurt/Comfort in first chapter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything; everything belongs to Rick Riordan

**Author's Note: **Don't you just love an oblivious Percy?

* * *

_Prologue—So Finished With The Friendzone _

Nico was somewhat frustrated with his situation.

Oh who was he kidding? He was so pissed that any dead thing within a meter radius of him started shaking, just _that _close to regaining consciousness, in tune with his obvious agitation. And who was responsible for his condition?

Percy "You're one of my best friends" Jackson, that's who! The person who Nico he lived for, the person he loved with all his heart. Yes, that was a cheesy statement, so cheesy that a dairy farm probably did not even own that much cheese, but it was the truth. It was _his_ fault that Nico's power was going somewhat bonkers from emotional overload.

Well—Nico would concede that it wasn't actually Percy's fault per say. Perhaps the blame should be more appropriately shifted to Piper.

Let's start from the beginning.

* * *

It has been four years since the Giant War and all was calm. Much to the surprise of every demigod in existence, no other prophecy popped out from nowhere, no other foe was lurking in the shadows just biding their time (or at least Nico hoped not), and everything was normal. As normal as a life of a demigod could be, that is.

Which left Nico lots of time to contemplate his feelings for Percy, something that Nico actually did _not _appreciate. During the war it was quite easy to control his thoughts. Bring the _Athena Parthenos_ to Camp Half-blood, return to the Argo II to help the chosen seven. Keep Hazel safe—he wasn't going to lose another sister.

But most importantly: Keep Percy safe at all costs.

Probably the most frequently thought phrase that passed through Nico's head daily.

And after the war was over, Nico hadn't sought romance with Percy either, for one simple reason—Annabeth had died. Leaving Percy heartbroken.

Nico helped Percy through his grief though. Percy had pushed everyone away the first year, much to the dismay of all his friends and family. Except for Nico.

Since Nico was the son of Hades and travelled to the Underworld on a regular basis, he had been the only one Percy was willing to talk to. With reluctant permission from his father, Nico had brought Percy down to the Underworld, to Elysium, to say the goodbyes he had never gotten the chance to utter to the daughter of Athena.

_"Annabeth," Percy said in a broken tone, unshed tears shimmering in his eyes. The blonde gave Percy a sad smile and stepped towards him, lifting a hand to touch his face, only for it to pass through, as if her hand was never there._

_"It's okay Percy," she murmured soothingly into his ear. "It wasn't your fault that I died. And I'm happy here. It's nice."_

_Percy kissed her cheek, or tried to at least, and Nico felt his heart ache, only to feel ashamed moments later when he realised how juvenile it was to get jealous over a dead person._

_Annabeth had caught the flash of pain in Nico's eyes and turned to him with a look of understanding in her sharp grey eyes. "Take care of him for me, okay?" She said softly, too soft for Percy to catch._

_Nico nodded solemnly and beckoned Percy to him. The limited time Hades had given Percy to stay was up and it was time to leave._

_"Goodbye Annabeth," Percy said, and the tears he had been trying to hold back were slowly trailing down his face._

_"Goodbye Seaweed Brain," she said, fondness evident in her voice._

_"And word of advice Percy? It's time to stop hiding." Was the last thing they heard before Nico shadow-travelled them away._

When they had returned back to Camp Half-blood, Nico allowed Percy to cry in his arms, all the while muttering calming words under he finally fell asleep.

After the visit Percy had improved and started opening himself to others again. He had also spent more and more time with Nico, depending on him and telling him everything. And Nico had taken his role graciously, beyond glad with the amount of trust that Percy placed in him.

Percy had also—shocking everybody—came out as gay. He had admitted that he and Annabeth had faked their relationship so that they could each conceal their secret, and also because the entire camp had expected them to end up together. But even so, he hadn't gotten a boyfriend or showed any interest in the boys around him (much to both Nico's relief and disappointment).

Now, four years after the war, Nico had almost been resigned to a life of being Percy's best friend and _only _his best friend. But that was until Piper had started interfering.

You see, everyone with eyes had been able to see how much Nico loved Percy, besides Percy himself, and seeing such an obviously perfect pair that _wasn't_ together had awoken the inner matchmaker in the daughter of Aphrodite. She knew that Nico just needed that extra push for him to start courting Percy and she had given said push.

Piper had recently started using Percy as her own personal Barbie doll, dressing him up in the most drool-worthy clothes she could find. Percy had allowed it—partly due to Piper's ability to charmspeak—and now dressed in clothes that accentuated his every positive feature.

Oh Zeus, Nico was in a dilemma! With such a temptation dangling in front of him, it was almost impossible to hold back and resist ravishing the perfect beauty.

But the final straw had been when the guys at camp had started coming on to _his _Percy, from asking him out on dates to outright groping him.

Percy had not accepted any of the offers (and the ones who tried touching him—let's just say that Nico took care of them). However, Nico dreaded the day when Percy finally _did _accept a date and ended up with someone that wasn't _him._

Nico knew if that happened, he would completely crumble. He wouldn't allow anyone to steal Percy from him. Never.

* * *

And so here he was, coming up with ways to make Percy see him as more than his best friend.

He still had trouble with deciding the best course of action—honestly, he knew _nothing _about romantic relationships—but he had at least decided one thing.

No matter what it takes, Nico would make Percy his.


	2. Subtlety Is Stupid

_Chapter One—Subtlety Is Stupid_

Okay. Nico had to concede that he knew absolutely _squat _about romance. After spending the whole day thinking, trying to come up with an idea to woo Percy effectively, he had come out empty-handed. Considering that he was half-Italian and everything, that was pretty pathetic.

He had nothing planned to win Percy's heart; he had no clue what to do. Nico grunted in frustration as he tugged at his messy hair. If only he could just summon Percy's heart like how he summoned ghosts, how much easier that would be.

Cupid was wrong. Love was nothing like Death. Nico would have a much easier time understanding it if that was the case.

He sighed. Looks like there was only one option left to him. With absolute reluctance, Nico shadow-travelled to New Rome.

* * *

"So you'll finally going to woo him? It's about time, Nico!" Hazel exclaimed in glee. A huge smile—it looked somewhat triumphant, for reasons Nico could not explain—graced her face as she turned to face her half-brother.

"Yeah sure. Brilliant," Nico said unenthusiastically. He didn't look as if he thought it was brilliant.

Noticing Nico's less than stellar response, her eyebrow quirked up and she frowned. "You don't look very happy," she pointed out. "Are you _sure_ you want to woo Percy? Because you certainly don't look it."

"Of course I want Percy to be my boyfriend!" Nico said defensively, his voice louder than it ought to be. "It's just I dunnowhattodo…" he murmured under his breath.

Nico's mutterings had been too soft and quick for Hazel to catch, even when she strained her ears. "What did you say? Speak up, would you? It's not like you're going to wake the dead or anything," she quipped.

Nico gave her a withering look (because that was honestly the worst attempt of Underworld humour he had heard from her so far), before blushing bright red, which Hazel noted immediately. _That_ was interesting.

"It's just—I don't—uh!" Nico threw his hands up in irritation. He just couldn't get the words out of his mouth. Seriously, was there anything more embarrassing than telling your sister that you needed help with wooing your long-time crush?

No, Nico didn't think so. Whoever who suggested otherwise would earn themselves a one-week stay in Hades' realm, he swore.

"What? What?" Hazel prodded, her brother's flustering had peaked her interest and she hated being kept in suspense. "What's so hard about getting Percy to be your boyfriend?"

"Everything!" Nico exclaimed, because it was _true_. "Everything, Hazel! I don't know what to do, okay? I mean—have you seen him? He has so many people chasing after him a-and he's never shown any interest in me before! Why would he choose me?"

Nico looked visibly deflated, and seeing her brother—who had saved her from living her death useless in the Fields of Asphodel—so upset and hopeless made Hazel's heart ache.

"Why would he choose me?" Nico repeated, this time in a whisper. Because now, saying those words out loud, allowed Nico to see how true those words were. Why would Percy choose him? A child of Hades, an outsider. Why would Percy choose to be with him when he could pick anybody else? Maybe he should just accept that fact and give—

"OUCH!" Nico was snapped out of his thoughts by a slap to the back of his head. "That hurt!"

Hazel gave him a smug grin—gosh she was small but _boy_ did she have strength—and said, "I hope so. Now, are you out of your 'why would anyone want me' moods yet?"

"What?" Nico asked, stunned by Hazel's words. She rolled her eyes at him and put one of her hands on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"You had that look on your face. The look you always get when you're demeaning yourself. Don't sell yourself short Nico. You are a powerful demigod. You helped save Olympus twice. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner."

Nico blinked in surprise, and stared at Hazel. Did she really think all that about him? Did she really believe in him that much?

A surge of affection and confidence shot through Nico and he pulled Hazel into a hug.

"Thank you," he mumbled into her curly hair. "I needed that."

"You're welcome," Hazel replied, her mouth stretching into a wide smile. "Now, let's win you a Sea Prince!"

* * *

Nico sat in his room in Hades' Palace, looking uncertain yet determined at the same time. He took a deep breath before flipping the book open to the first chapter.

Said book—'_Wooing your Beau: A How to Guide'—_was given to him by Hazel. After an entire evening of trying to coach her brother, and failing miserably since Nico constantly rebuked her advice—"Offering to keep his life source safe doesn't apply to everyone Hazel!"—Hazel had left Nico for a while before returning with the book and shoving it into his hands.

"Here. Just follow the instructions in the book and it'll steer you in the right direction." She had said.

_Hello! Welcome to Wooing your Beau, a how to guide that's 100% guaranteed to work in helping you get your loved one. Just follow the steps and methods given and soon she'll be yours! Remember though, some methods do not work for everybody so don't be too disappointed if one doesn't work. Just move on to the next step and try, try again! After all, persistence is the path to success. _Nico read. The introduction was quite lengthy, very cheesy, and most definitely not worth anymore of Nico's time. So, he skipped to the first step and continued reading once again.

_**Step One: Find out her feelings.**_

_After all, if she returns your feelings, half the battle is already won. Now, you might ask, how do I know if she likes me or not? Fear not! Listed below are some things to note._

_1). Does she act differently towards you than she does with other guys? Does she blush excessively when you're around?_

And so, that was how Nico's night was spent. Reading the first chapter, learning to read body language, casual touches and learning how to flirt etc. He was so intrigued—who knew that there were so many ways to know if someone likes you or not—that by the time he put the book down it was three o' clock according to his watch (that Percy had given him after commenting for the hundredth time that he was never on time).

He yawned loudly, only now realizing how tired he was—Percy was so going to give him a tongue lashing tomorrow when he saw his eye bags—before snuggling into his black bed sheets.

Tomorrow, he was spending the day with Percy as usual but this time, he had a goal.

He would utilize his recently learnt knowledge and by the end of the day he would be one step closer in making Percy his.

That night, Nico slept with a soft smile on his face.

* * *

"That was a great practice won't you say, Nico?" Percy asked after their sword practice session, his face red from exertion and rivulets of sweat falling from his face. Nico stared down at him with an entranced look on his face (why did Percy have to look so damn cute and hot at the same time?), before realizing that he had been asked a question. A mock sad expression appeared on his face as he pouted, "Of course you would say that. I bet you enjoy beating me don't you, you little prat?"

Percy giggled and nudged him in the gut. _Laughing at your lame jokes, check! _Nico thought. He internally sighed in relief. Throughout the day, he had been hard-pressed to find stuff the book said would hint at the person's liking. He had even tried making more physical contact: brushing up against Percy more, stroking his arm often and bumping into him constantly while they were sparring. However, Percy had shown no signs of shyness at his acts, no blushes or stuttering. Nico didn't even think Percy felt that anything was different.

"It's not my fault that I'm awesome, Nico. You've just got to deal with it!" Percy teased, presenting a perfect opportunity to work in a compliment.

"Yes, you're quite good at swordplay aren't you? Best in camp, even! I wonder—do you think you could help me better the use of my…_sword?_" Nico said, flushing at his last statement because _oh god how obvious could he get than that blatant innuendo_. Hopefully Percy would think his blush was from the heat.

Nico forced himself to not turn away so that he could scan Percy's expression. Sadly there was no change. Percy didn't even seem to have registered that it was an innuendo at all.

He did receive a hug however. For some reason. Though Nico didn't really care for the reason, he didn't even care that they were both sweaty and it was kind of gross, he just wrapped his arms around Percy and enjoyed it while it lasted._ Random hugs; check! _Nico thought with a contented smile.

"You idiot," Percy murmured into his chest, "I'm not the _best. _But if you wanted help with your sword work you could have just asked me instead of acting weird all day."

_What?_

Percy pulled away and laughed at Nico's ridiculous facial expression. "You didn't think I wouldn't notice you acting different, did you? I knew you were buttering me up for something."

"I'm going to go shower now. However, when you want something next time just ask okay? Don't need to be awkward. We're friends, aren't we?" Percy turned and left for the showers, leaving Nico gaping in his wake.

"Right. Friends." Nico muttered under his breath as he buried his face in his hands.

Ugh! Nico couldn't believe it. Percy had thought that Nico had acted differently, had _flirted _because he had wanted help with his sword work.

_How did he even _get _that? _Nico wondered as he groaned into his palm. Nico didn't know.

But obviously, being subtle about his attentions around Percy wouldn't work.

_Well_, Nico thought, _at least two out of…twelve of the questions for the 'Does she (he) like you?' quiz have been fulfilled. _It wasn't much but at the very least it was _something. _

_Though a more forward method would be needed to woo Percy. _Nico told himself.

Back to the book he goes!

* * *

As Percy told Rachel about his day, which basically consisted of Nico, Nico, _Nico, _Rachel felt the strangest urge to connect her palm and her face.

"I find it sort of weird that Nico is trying to improve his sword work. Don't you? Do you think he's trying to impress somebody?" Percy went on, and the urge grew stronger.

Rachel let out a sigh—_how oblivious could this boy be—_as she continued to listen to Percy's rant.

"It's not that I would be upset if he _was _trying to impress somebody but—"

_Yeah, _Rachel thought. _If they don't get together soon, I think I'll have to gut myself._

* * *

**Percy is so oblivious it hurts. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Reviews are very much appreciated =)**


	3. The Secret Admirer Route

_Chapter Two—The Secret Admirer Route_

_Which should I choose? _Nico pondered as he stared at the opened book in front of him. _The Courtship route or the Secret Admirer route?_

Nico had arrived back at the Underworld three hours ago, after his terrible attempt at trying to find out if Percy liked him as 'more than a friend'. The good thing about the attempt was that it allowed him to understand Percy a little better, which made it easier to search for the appropriate method to use in order to make Percy his. Nico now knew that Percy was as oblivious as he was beautiful and it would take some pretty blatant actions to let Percy know that someone special wanted him as a boyfriend.

Nico had scoured through the book Hazel gave him and ended up with two workable options. The Courtship route and the Secret Admirer route.

From what Nico gathered, they were both essentially the same thing. Both of them had you send gifts to the person you wanted, except one would have you pronounce your intentions to your courted while the other allowed you a mask of obscurity to hide under. It was kind of hard to decide which method to utilize.

If Hazel was here, she probably would have smacked Nico's head again for thinking too much but Nico believed that the planning was important in the greater scheme of love. If you picked the wrong option, you might just send the object of your affections into someone else's arms and that was really not cool.

Nico pursed his lips. Both methods held appeal. Since Nico's childhood was in the 1940s where courting was '_the_ way' to get someone, that method would probably be a little more familiar. It also had the benefit of being too obvious for Percy to ignore. However, that was both an advantage and a disadvantage. The Secret Admirer route was fascinating as it was almost the same thing as courting but it allowed the 'secret admirer' to get the person to fall in love with them before revealing who they are. This way, Nico would not have to fear outright rejection if Percy really did not feel the same way about him.

He fell back on his bed and released a sigh of exasperation. _Hades, this is killing me, _he thought. _It would be _so _much easier if I could use the same method Father used._

Speaking of Hades…

About two hours ago, Hades had entered Nico's bedroom to, quote, "give him some relationship advice". You can imagine how embarrassed Nico had felt. Turns out Hazel—_that traitor—_had told him about Nico's love problems and Hades was forced to help by Persephone (of whom Nico now had another reason to hate, besides the dandelion thing). Nico had wished the Seven of The Prophecy had not made the gods promise to be more loving and parental to their children. He might crave Hades' approval but him acting fatherly to Nico just felt plain _wrong._ And in the end, Hades had suggested using the old bring-him-to-the-Underworld-and-have-him-eat-a-pomegranate method. Yeah, not an option. Nico wanted Percy to be _willing, _for one. And besides, kidnapping the Great Hero of Olympus might spark the next World War. No, thank you.

Nico briefly wondered why all his family's romantic partners were gotten through unorthodox means.

Back to the problem at hand! _Which to choose, which to choose. _Staring at the book for what seemed like an eternity, something clicked in Nico's mind and he finally came to a decision.

Once his decision was made, Nico hopped off the bed, almost falling flat on his face in his joy and excitement, and shadow-travelled away—it was a good thing that he was much better at that so he didn't faint in exhaustion after one or two trips—to get Percy his first gift.

* * *

Percy looked to his bedside instinctively the moment he woke up and found a blue package waiting for him, once again. The first time a package appeared on his bedside table, Percy had been confused. He had opened it to find an assortment of blue candy, reminiscent of the times when his mother would bring back a bag for him after a long day of work. On the package itself had been a note, stating that it was from his _Secret admirer, _followed by a very sweet missive.

Now, Percy looked forward to the nondescript blue package that would greet him every morning. He found himself falling a little for his Secret admirer, mostly because of the messages that were on the notes. However, he did secretly harbor the small hope that his Secret admirer was Nico, who he had been crushing on since he had helped Percy through his best friend's death, sticking with him through the crying fits and the temper tantrums.

Percy sighed. He knew Nico did not like him that way. There had never been any indication that Nico liked him and Percy suspected that Nico liked someone else, anyway. Nico would nowadays cut their practice sessions off early as he rushed off to who knows where, and he would also constantly ask Percy of his thoughts on wooing a person. Percy knew he would have to snap out of denial and move on from his crush soon so that he could finally settle down with someone who could love him back but it was so _hard._

He stared at the note in his hands and smiled fondly at the quirky and sweet message. His Secret admirer really did understand him well.

_Maybe he would be able to help me get over Nico, _Percy thought as he snuggled his face into the blue teddy's bear soft fur—today's gift—and reveled in the somewhat familiar smell.

* * *

Nico smirked a little as Percy went on and on about his Secret admirer. It had been two weeks since he made the decision to take the Secret admirer route and it seemed like he made the right choice. Percy was clearly falling in love with his Secret admirer aka _him, _and the very thought made him dizzy with happiness.

As Nico kindly asked Percy's permission to cut their sword practice short once again—it was a little time-consuming to find things that were blue and would hold some significance to Percy, so he had to sacrifice some of his daily Percy-time—he thought with a huge smile on his face, _soon I'll reveal my identity and then he shall be mine._

* * *

Percy sighed sadly as Nico shadow-travelled away. He felt as if Nico was drifting away from him and it hurt. Percy had expected it but it still felt terrible to know that Nico was probably abandoning him to meet his secret girlfriend/boyfriend (and wasn't that horrid, Percy didn't even know Nico's sexual orientation. Nico didn't trust him enough to tell him, apparently). A flare of jealousy burned in his chest at the thought of Nico finding someone else to settle down with but he quickly squelched it.

_I should be happy for him, not be selfish and try to keep him all to myself._

Percy was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't notice someone walk up behind him. So when he heard a "Hello", it startled him and caused him to instinctively whip out Riptide.

"Whoa there!" someone who Percy vaguely remembered as a Son of Hermes raised his arms in surrender. "I don't mean any harm."

Percy blushed a little at his overreaction—going through two wars did that to you—and capped his sword. He stared at the tall teenager in front of him, trying to place his name. Percy had seen him around camp before. He was one of the few recently found campers who had the fortune of not being in either of the wars. Percy wondered how he hadn't been claimed or attacked by a monster before now. He was a Son of Hermes and looked to be about Percy's age, albeit taller (everyone seemed to be taller than him these days, even Nico who was three years younger than him, which was truly embarrassing) and should have been attracting monsters since he hit the age of twelve. But he managed to make it to twenty without needing the aid of Camp Half-Blood.

_He must have had someone like Smelly Gabe in his life, _Percy thought. _Either that or he's really, really good at avoiding and fighting._

"I'm sorry about that," Percy apologized sheepishly. "You startled me."

"It's fine," the guy said with a mischievous smile on his face. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"What's your name first?" Percy blurted out; only realizing how rude it sounded after the words left his mouth. "Uh…sorry. I mean, I can't seem to recall your name."

The guy chuckled. "I'll be surprised if you did know my name. I'm really just another face in the crowd. But my name is Hilliary and I'm a Son of Hermes."

Percy wrinkled his nose a little upon hearing the guy's name.

"Yeah, I know. I think my mother thought it would be funny to name me that. Hilliary-ous, am I right?" Hilliary joked. Percy couldn't help but laugh at his pun, no matter how silly it was. Hilliary just had a charm to him.

"Right, right." Percy said after his laughter died down. "So right did you want to ask me?"

"I was wondering if you would like to go out with me?"

Percy was about to let him down gently when Hilliary continued. "Wait—let me finish. I know you don't really accept dates but—I'm your Secret admirer."

"What?!" Percy exclaimed, extremely confused. "Really?"

Percy might have been hoping that Nico was his Secret admirer, but if it wasn't, Percy thought that it would be someone he knew at least. The notes had been so intimate…

"Yeah…" Hilliary flushed a little and scratched the back of his head.

"Then how did you know…how did you get the stuff into my cabin?"

"I know a lot of things about you. And my father is Hermes. I sort of have the ability to deliver things."

Percy never knew Hermes children had that ability and he was sort of creeped out by the fact that this stranger knew enough about him to write those beautiful notes and get him those gifts. But, he had to be a nice guy right, to write those notes? And Percy _had _liked the person who wrote those notes to him. Plus he needed to get over Nico…

Percy bit his lips in contemplation and finally said, "Okay. I'll go a date with you."

* * *

By afternoon, almost the entire camp knew of Percy's acceptance of a date.

When Piper heard of it, she could not help but scream a little inside. So much work to get Nico and Percy together yet Percy's obliviousness was putting all her hard work to waste. She sighed and got ready a drachma. Maybe Hazel could get her thickheaded brother to just admit his feelings before Percy ended up with the wrong person.

She threw the drachma into the rainbow she made and thought: _Oh Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering._

_Hazel Levesque, Camp Jupiter._

Once Hazel's face appeared, Piper started, "Hazel—we have a problem. Percy is being an idiot again"


End file.
